Pet Peeves
by Dixie Cup of Doom
Summary: Paternal Roy for Melly. II just don't like being alone in the dark.


This is by far not the first fanfiction I've written, I'm just posting it 'cause my friend CaptainKase asked me to write it for her. As anyone who's read any of my other work would know, I very rarely venture out of the realm of Royai.

THIS IS FOR YOU, MELLY! IT SUCKS, BUT I DID IT ANYWAY!

IT IS NOT ROYEDO. THIS IS FOR MELLY. I DO NOT DO YAOI UNLESS ON REQUEST. YES, YOU CAN REQUEST STORIES FROM ME. NO, I CANNOT GIVE THEM TO YOU THE NEXT DAY. YES, I WILL DO YAOI.

Disclaimer: OHMYGOD. I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist. It belongs to those lucky bastards at Square Enix, Funimation, and, _bien sûr_, Hiromu Arakawa.

PS I'll have a French-English guide at the end for all you who aren't taking this wonderful language.

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Everyone had a pet peeve. Some were normal, some were just plain _weird_, and some—well, Roy couldn't really classify his pet peeve, other than just _short._ Roy knew his Lieutenant's pet peeve was when he would procrastinate, he knew that Havoc's was how he was so good with girls, and he even knew that Fury didn't like how he couldn't fix the telephone in the main office.

But, really, having a _person_ as your major pet peeve? Roy had never heard of it.

Of course, though, as soon as Edward walked through the door, Roy was immediately pissed.

"Well, well, Fullmetal, late again, I see." Roy kept his voice as politely rude as he usually did when dealing with the alchemist.

"No thanks to you, Colonel." And, as always, Ed's tone equaled his for rudeness.

"What happened this time? Did another train get held up?" It was rather like a dance, this ritual of theirs.

"Only when they're in your jurisdiction do things go so horribly wrong."

"Touché, touché. So tell me what did happen."

"Another train did get held up," Edward answered bitterly.

Roy stood and leafed through the files on the bookshelf behind him. Finding the one he wanted, he plucked it from the others and slid it on his desk. "Here's the information you needed on that city of Lior." He sat back down, a smirk spreading over his face. "That's three you owe me."

"Whatever." Edward sighed and turned to leave, but was promptly stopped by the entrance of a new person. A girl, actually.

"_C'était épouvantable!_" she yelled, her blonde hair flapping furiously over her shoulders.

Roy and Ed blinked at her.

"_Tu es allé où? Rarement avoir je travailler—_"

Riza came in, looking tired. "_Non dans le français, Céline,_" she told the girl wearily.

She blinked at Riza. "_Je regrette, Riza._"

"Colonel, Edward, this is my friend's sister Celine. She's visiting."

"What did she say?"

"_Répétez, Céline._" When Celine opened her mouth, Riza added, "_Ou l'anglais._"

Celine glared at her. "It was horrible!" she exclaimed. "Where did you go? Never have I worked—Riza interrupted me here. Then I apologized for speaking in French when you both so clearly don't speak it."

"What was your reason for coming here?" Ed asked impatiently.

"_Je veux bien._ There was a murder, and I was the only one taking care of it, and I'm not even in the military." She watched them reproachfully. "You are all _l'escargots._"

"Celine, I will send you home," Riza said sharply, and immediately the blonde shut up.

"What's this about a murder?" Roy and Ed said instantly, both standing.

"I already took care of it," Celine sniffed. "_J'ai des tas de choses à faire._"

"Where was it?" demanded Roy.

"_Asseyez-vouz!_" she commanded, and Roy sat down out of no choice of his own. "_C'est tout de suite à _Main Street."

"Fullmetal and I can take care of it," Roy said, standing.

"Colonel—" Riza began.

"You can stay here with—Celine, is it?"

"_Oui._" Celine nodded.

Riza still looked skeptical, so Roy winked at her. Ed was interested to see that the Lieutenant quickly turned a bright shade of red.

"Very well." Celine turned to leave. "_Tu viens?_" she asked Riza.

"_Bien sûr._"

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When they reached the darkened main street, it was pretty much as Roy had expected it. Another madman had gone on a killing spree. The civilian that he had killed was there too, throat slashed and limbs bent at awkward angles. He supposed it wouldn't have been so bad if the victim wasn't a young girl, who would have actually been quite pretty.

Roy knew enough to look away, but Ed was staring quite fixedly at the body, his golden eyes getting glazed over.

"Fullmetal, you don't have to look at it anymore," Roy said rather pointedly, straightening his collar.

Ed didn't answer.

"Edward…?"

"She was so young," Roy heard him mutter.

Roy cleared his throat loudly, and Ed finally looked away. "Celine said that she had already taken care of it, so the criminal should be near here."

Roy turned to go investigate, but Ed stopped him. "What is it, Fullmetal?" he asked impatiently.

"I-I don't want to go out there a-alone," Ed stammered at him.

Roy stopped mid-stride. He turned and raised an eyebrow at the short blonde, who fidgeted nervously. "You, the great Fullmetal Alchemist, who vanquished the false prophet Cornello, and who caught the psiren—"

"I get it," Ed snapped, blushing faintly in the streetlight. "I just don't like being alone in the dark." His blush deepened.

Roy watched him for a moment before turning abruptly on his heel. "Come along then."

Ed trotting after him, Roy strode through the darkness, peering at regular intervals in a vain attempt to find the criminal.

"You don't know where he is, do you?" Ed asked, smirking.

"No more than you, Fullmetal," snapped Roy,and they pressed on in silence.

Eventually, Roy stopped, putting his hands on his hips in a very unRoy-like gesture. "Where is he?" he demanded, annoyed.

"Here," a harsh voice croaked from the alley, and someone jumped out at Roy.

"Colonel!" shouted Ed.

Roy, however, simply snapped, and the man was thrown backwards.

"You bastards thought you could beat me with that silly language alchemist, did you?" the man panted hoarsely, wiping a trickle of blood from the side of his mouth. "It'll take more'n that to finish me off." He lunged for Ed, his eyes bloodshot.

Roy threw himself in front of the young alchemist, kicking the madman backwards.

Ed gaped at him. "Colonel—"

"Shut up, Fullmetal," snapped Roy, as the madman came at them again. As Roy's luck had sucked lately, it was only natural for it to start raining. So it did. Roy swore loudly, and started to run.

Edward, however, decided to freeze in fear. Roy tugged the back of his jacket, physically pulling him from the criminal.

They sprinted down the main street, and Ed took a side way into an alley, where they stopped to catch their breath.

"Wh-why did you d-do that?" gasped Ed, holding a hand to his side.

"D-do what?" panted Roy.

"Save me."

Roy fidgeted uncomfortably. "I-I won't allow you to die in my jurisdiction."

"That's—" Ed began, but Bob the madman had found them again, and the chase was on again.

They eventually made their way back down main street, and just as the rain seemed to be letting up, Roy and Ed heard gunshots, and both whirled around.

Riza was pointing her handgun at Bob, while Celine adjusted elbow-length gloves behind her.

"Riza!" gasped Roy.

"You seemed to need help, _sir_," she said without looking at him.

"_Oui, beaucoup_." Celine looked at them and winked. "Get out of here, we'll take care of it."

"Go!" yelled Riza.

They went.

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After taking refuge in another alleyway, Ed opened his mouth to speak, but he closed it.

Roy had noticed this. "What were you going to say, Fullmetal?" he asked interestedly now that they were out of danger.

"Why did you save me back there, Colonel?"

Roy was silent for a moment. "I could say I've grown rather attached to seeing you and your brother around the office." He ruffled Ed's hair, then jerked his hand back as if he had been burned. He quickly looked away.

Ed blushed. "Thank you, sir."

"S-sure, Fullmetal." Somehow Ed wasn't so peevish anymore.

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Blargherriffic. It's SHORT. REALLY, REALLY SHORT.

French-English Guide:

_C'était épouvantable-_it was horrible

_Tu es allé où-_Where did you go

_Rarement avoir je travailler—_Rarely have I work— (if Madame Kund saw my horrible conjugation…)

_Non le français,Céline-_No French, Celine.

_Je regrette, Riza-_I'm sorry, Riza.

_Répétez, Céline.-_Repeat, Celine.

_Ou l'anglais.-_In English.

_Je veux bien-_Gladly.

_L'escargots-_Really, you don't know what this means? Come on, it's not _that _hard. It means snails.

_J'ai des tas de choses à faire-_I have lots of things to do.

_Asseyez-vous-_Sit down

_C'est tout de suite à-_It's right on…

_Tu viens?-_Will you come?

_Bien sûr-_Of course.

_Oui, beaucoup.-_Yes, very much.

I like Celine. -scribbles it down-

REVIEW!


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